PSYCHOLOGICALLY BEHEADED TEACHER

RESPONDS TO A NAPTA MAILING
"but who cares about teachers who are suicidal, comatose on the couch for a couple of years, suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, had their careers stolen from them, and to me what is the most despicable, had their good names destroyed with no ability for an investigation, is to know that teachers are not part of the alleged democracy we live in." NAPTA

Karen,

You have described the past 20 months of my life.

I still live with a lot of pain. I also feel stupid for not anticipating the consequences of my speaking up. I actually thought it was part of my job to speak up and voice my team's complaints since I was a team leader! I feel naive for not knowing the rules of the game. I didn't know that the game was "go along to get along" and I neglected to wear my blinders and keep my mouth shut.

I wasn't told that the secret to success as a teacher was to kiss ass and follow blindly...to behave like a child again. Looking up to the Mommy and Daddy (administrators) for a hand to hold when a problem hits.

I also feel ostracized and alone and let down by many teacher "friends." Not one of those lousy cowards speak to me anymore.

I feel like a failure for letting my family suffer the financial consequences of my blackballing and the destruction of my teaching career. I am so broke right now!!! My parents are in pain for watching my lifelong dreams go up in smoke....I sometimes feel like I am healing and then the pain and anger just cycles back again.

I can't control my thoughts, the tape just keeps playing back in my mind again and again...and always the same outcome...me at home alone with no career or future. When will it end? I don't even trust my therapist, who I dumped a long time ago. I felt her bias toward me for being a teacher, the subtle things and small comments she made....I think no one in America feels we have the right to complain about anything, because of the stupid reason that we have our summers off!!! People are jealous of teachers, they enjoy seeing us suffer!!!!

Well, I don't have a summer break now, not that I ever really did since I taught summer school and took courses. I am selling insurance. On straight commission. The only profession I am worthy of since I can't seem to find a job doing anything else. I earned $1700 in two months of work. No benefits. I understand why women turn to prostitution but I certainly wouldn't go that far for a buck. But this is how sick and desperate they've made me, that I even think about that!

Thanks for giving me a safe place to let my feelings out.

Cut Down in Connecticut

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